Food / laundry / Netflix / toothpaste / cell phones / textbooks / gym memberships / life in general all costs MONEY. Easy enough to understand; incredibly difficult to remember.
We all crave acceptance. Some people are just better at hiding it.
Just because someone's opinion may sound stupid, half-baked, asshole-ish, misogynistic or ignorant to me doesn't mean it's any less valid than my own.
Generally speaking, it's never a good idea to buy sushi from a store that also sells Flaming Hot Cheetos. (Or is it?....)
Sex always changes things.
People will disappoint me, not because they want to, but rather because I'll unintentionally hold them to unreasonable expectations.
Masturbation isn't something to be ashamed of.
For the sake of all that is holy, LUKE GO TO CLASS. Sixty percent (some days, I'd argue 80%) of success is finding the gumption to peel my ass out of bed after a night of binge drinking or heavy under-the-sweater action with the person who is most likely still sleeping next to me and just show up.
Friends come and go, but you'll always be stuck with yourself, so you better start liking who you are, and if you don't, then change.
The world is a much smaller place than you might think, and it's shrinking every day.
Unless I happen to win the lottery or get discovered by an agent while casually strolling through JFK International like Kate Moss did, my only hope for success is through hard work, which is really just another phrase for "investing time."
The chances of all my dreams coming true before I die is not only silly but also highly unlikely.
If I decide to teach a class of 3rd graders, I'd better be prepared to learn a shit ton about myself.
The root of anger is love.
Questioning everything is a double-edged sword. One day, I'm blowing my own mind with revelations about the universe. The next, I'm caught in the crossfires of my own personal existential crisis.
"For the Bible tells me so" isn't an acceptable rationale in the real world.
Neither is saying things like, "I'm not really attracted to black guys."
Soul mates are a myth. We live in a world of almost 8 billion people. Ergo, there have always been and will always be other fish in the sea, of which at least half are likely to be compatible with you.
The family that drinks together stays together.
Evolution isn't counterintuitive to religion.
People can't argue with kindness.
Freshman year of college can only be considered successful if you did any of the following: got a tattoo, smoked marijuana for the first time, gained at least fifteen pounds, lost your virginity, went a month without contacting any immediate family, got arrested, tried your hand at growing facial hair, developed an addiction, went to a music festival, failed a class solely because of absences, met a drag queen, lost your student ID at least three times, converted to a new religion, woke up in a different city, state or township than the night before, attended a political rally, joined more organizations than you actually cared about, got an STI, racked up enough student loan debt to fund the American prison system for a year, showed up to class drunk, used ChatRoulette, got caught masturbating by a roommate, pulled an all-nighter for no reason, played "Never Have I Ever," used a snow day as an opportunity to walk to the liquor store with your friends, adopted a pet, had an abortion, watched The Human Centipede or went skinny dipping in a hotel swimming pool.
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