Fortune Cookie Aphorism I

Give others as much freedom as you desire for yourself.

Just My Imagination

I forgot how waking up at 7:30 in the morning makes my body feel better throughout the day, as opposed to waking up at 9 or 10, which seems like a fantastic idea when I shut off my alarm and tell myself I'll only sleep another ten minutes, and which more often than not turns into another hour. It's an endless cycle. I think God is trying to tell me something.

It's December 19th and it still hasn't snowed. The funny thing about living in Oklahoma during the winter is that you almost always have to wait until January to get snow, whereas my friend Alyssa back home in Toronto feels the need to brag via Twitter, "It just keeps snowing and snowing and snowing. =)" Either way, snow is bound to come, at least that's what my friends and I keep telling ourselves. Our main concern, I think, is just having a couple snow days to get drunk and skate on the frozen road in front of our dorm.

"Black Swan" blew my mind. My friends and I didn't quite know what to make of it when the credits started rolling, our jaws still dropped. Natalie Portman was phenomenal, and Mila Kunis did a great job as well. What I liked most about the movie was the fact that you never quite know what's real and what isn't until you decide for yourself long after the movie has ended. No one can take you inside the mind of a crazy person quite like Darren Aronofsky.

I'm going to be the eight hundredth person to say that this semester has been Black Swan crazy. Well, maybe not as crazy as hallucinating the murder of your understudy in Swan Lake, but close. My cousin, always the source for information like this, told me that 2011 is a year of abundance in the Jewish calendar. I believe that abundance comes full circle. The pastor of my church this morning gave his sermon over joy and quoted something from John Wesley that stuck to my brain--"Make as much as you can, save as much as you can, and give as much as you can." The quote was regarding money, but in my opinion, it applies to every aspect of life. Everything is a circle.

What a joy it is to do what you don't want to do but know you have to.

Where Am I Again?

I once watched a special on MSNBC about an elementary school teacher who had lost all memory function in an accident. She literally had to remind herself of everything every day, from the most basic things, like the route she took to work, to the names of the students she saw every day. She kept tons of photo albums stocked full of photos from her past, which served as tangible memories.

Sometimes I feel like that woman. Granted, my memory isn't completely wiped out, but there are days when I actually can't remember what most of my childhood was like... what my high school life was like. It takes a lot of effort for me to even remember what I did on my birthday three years ago. Or what Christmases with my dad were like. Part of that scares me. I sometimes wonder if there's something wrong with my brain, because I just can't ever remember things that most people seem to have no trouble remembering. I barely remember my class schedule each semester. I for SURE can't remember the schedules of my friends, or even details they might tell me about a certain class they're taking.

I think the biggest reason for my forgetfulness is my tendency to zone out and not put forth my fullest efforts to actively think... or listen. I get into this weird habit of just... mindlessly living. Just occupying space. Just standing and looking good. I hate that.

Why is it so difficult for me to focus?

For whatever reasons, my brain doesn't seem to exert the amount of energy into certain areas of life that most people's brains do. I rarely plan ahead. I get lost in the moment. I get complacent. I forget where I am or what my greater purpose is at any given time. I lose track of my priorities. I forget I'm in college sometimes.

I could go on and on but I don't think it really matters.

It's a pain in the ass to have to remind myself of everything all the time, and for that reason, I usually don't. Actually... I just forget to.

But it's important that I do. There are certain things in my life that I have to remember. Here's to a more positive and active outlook on my life. Here's to a more conscious and thoughtful way of living. Here's to remembering where I am, where I'm going, and where I've been, because it all ties together with beautiful purpose.

"Each night when I go to sleep, I die. Each morning when I awake, I am reborn."
- Gandhi