The funny thing about impatience is, you have to understand yourself to get over it. Just like any other stumbling block in life, I guess.
Tonight I'm too awake. I made the mistake of taking an extra nap after taking my sister to work this morning, and of course I ended up sleeping until 6:00 p.m.
All I wanted to do tonight was drink. Not go visit and spend the night with my grandma as my sister and I had planned, which we postponed for tomorrow. Not mentally peruse through the leftover wreckage of countless selfish decisions of my sophomore year of college. No, my one track mind decided it would be best if I could just somehow manage to get my hands on an ice-cold beer or two.... or ten. Sit around with friends. Meet someone new. Talk, laugh, and most importantly, drink myself into communal bliss and a half-buzzed congenial recourse that would serve as a scapegoat to my real world problems.
Because I'm underage and can't buy alcohol on my own, because I didn't have any real plans or parties to attend, and because I knew my sister would most definitely serve as the faithful watchdog to my alcoholism if she caught wind that I wanted to get my drink on tonight for absolutely no good reason other than to escape, I got angry.
She asked me, "What's wrong?"
I said, "I'm pissed for no reason. I'll get over it in a sec. Don't worry."
Then, not half an hour later, I dissected the problem and found the answer I was looking for: I was frustrated because my ego wasn't getting its way. Simple as that. I was angry because I wanted someone to give me a reason to escape the things that are just as real and present every day of my life as the couch I sleep on. The root of my predicament, as is the case 98% of the time, was selfishness.
I reminded myself that not only did I NOT have to drink to forget about my two failing grades plus a failed voice jury last semester, but I could in fact stare my problems in the face and consciously refuse to worry about them. Because, let's be honest, what good does worrying do? The fortune cookie expression I drew from this experience, among many others I could stereotypically churn out for the sake of witty blog writing, is that the more you try to escape your problems, the more power you give them over your well-being.
Life is a Pandora's box of the unexpected. Each day I'm reminded that no matter how hard I may try to weed out or simply avoid the bad, the ugly, and the bothersome in my life, there will always be a little here and there that I have to deal with. Everything's coming up roses, though, for those of us who decide that our life is ours to steer and develop, to create and move forward, to better ourselves so we can better the world around us. It's not just about me. It's about you too.
Who's that calling? Oh, it's Adulthood, and it feels healthier than ever before.
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