Where Am I Again?

I once watched a special on MSNBC about an elementary school teacher who had lost all memory function in an accident. She literally had to remind herself of everything every day, from the most basic things, like the route she took to work, to the names of the students she saw every day. She kept tons of photo albums stocked full of photos from her past, which served as tangible memories.

Sometimes I feel like that woman. Granted, my memory isn't completely wiped out, but there are days when I actually can't remember what most of my childhood was like... what my high school life was like. It takes a lot of effort for me to even remember what I did on my birthday three years ago. Or what Christmases with my dad were like. Part of that scares me. I sometimes wonder if there's something wrong with my brain, because I just can't ever remember things that most people seem to have no trouble remembering. I barely remember my class schedule each semester. I for SURE can't remember the schedules of my friends, or even details they might tell me about a certain class they're taking.

I think the biggest reason for my forgetfulness is my tendency to zone out and not put forth my fullest efforts to actively think... or listen. I get into this weird habit of just... mindlessly living. Just occupying space. Just standing and looking good. I hate that.

Why is it so difficult for me to focus?

For whatever reasons, my brain doesn't seem to exert the amount of energy into certain areas of life that most people's brains do. I rarely plan ahead. I get lost in the moment. I get complacent. I forget where I am or what my greater purpose is at any given time. I lose track of my priorities. I forget I'm in college sometimes.

I could go on and on but I don't think it really matters.

It's a pain in the ass to have to remind myself of everything all the time, and for that reason, I usually don't. Actually... I just forget to.

But it's important that I do. There are certain things in my life that I have to remember. Here's to a more positive and active outlook on my life. Here's to a more conscious and thoughtful way of living. Here's to remembering where I am, where I'm going, and where I've been, because it all ties together with beautiful purpose.

"Each night when I go to sleep, I die. Each morning when I awake, I am reborn."
- Gandhi